New Phase

I've discovered that I'm expeiencing a new phase in motherhood.  My dependent littles are no more and independent are they!  Oh, yes they still need me to help them find a missing book, or find a different shirt from the closet, and they depend on me feeding them, sheltering them (you know, basics.)  But they don't necessarily need me to feed them every two hours, change their diapers, shush and rock them.  Their infantile and preschooler needs are the past, especially the physical ones, and we have new adventures ahead of us.

I find myself talking, explaining, analyzing, and praying a lot more now that the kids are school-aged.  There's a part of their life that is a mystery to me and I try to extract as much information from them about their days, but get bits and pieces.  It's hard for me to relinquish the control over my kids' lives, but it is what it is and at the end of the day, I'm still their mom that they need emotionally and really the cuddles have been surprisingly more than when they were toddlers and preschoolers!  There might be some truth that distance makes the heart grow fonder in this case!

 

 

The first week of school was not what I was expecting. I thought for sure I'd be in tears that my baby girl is all grown up. But really, I felt proud of her spreading out her wings and learning to fly without me. I think it was helpful that she was VERY ready for school and it shows when she comes home. She is either making her own books, teaching to invisible students in her room, or her Barbies are having an intense lesson about the days of the week. She is where she needs to be.

Myself, on the other hand, I'm not sure where I need to be. I'm a bit complacent in the fact that I have free time (sure miss my little side-kick) and I have lists and lists of things that I could or should be doing. My first week, I paced and paced not knowing what to do. Now, I've been more comfortable in my routine, but still have this feeling of hesitancy that I should be doing more. . . but what? I really don't want to mess up the equilibrium of my work life, mom life, life life, and wife life. I am volunteering at school and church, and plan on cheering at all the kids' activities they participate in this year. I think that's enough, for now.


 

I knew that my kiddos would be growing up fast but it's so different experiencing the reality of it, than just saying it. I am blessed to have all the memories of my kiddos flood my heart and brain and SD cards. I am blessed that I'm at the stage of getting 7-8 hours of sleep, unless I'm worrying or praying about the kids' days or issues in their lives. I'm blessed to engage in new relationships with the kids; for example, the dinner table is full of conversation and interesting topics anymore!

 

 



So here's to a new phase of motherhood, one that was less traveled in my dreams because I always imagined myself with a swaddled burrito in arms or a toddler at the hip. Here's to being a little more introspective and finding myself again as a mother of school children. A woman who can get back to a few activities that were given up for the intense physical child-rearing. A time to enjoy some alone time with my hubby. Amazing how much we've talked to each other now that we have the opportunity!

Here's to a new phase!