How Do You Take Your Pills?

 How You Take Pills can determine your Personality

(Not really, but let's have some fun!)

            For the last fourteen years, I have passed many pills to thousands of people and have made a unique observation:  there are special categories of pill-takers.  I also thought it would be fun to analyze the personalities of these certain groups of patients.  I write this in mere fun and admit that we nurses have a rare sense of humor.  So open wide your heart and mind and see through a pair of nurse’s eyes.

            Before I can officially give a patient a pill, I must make it known that it is necessary to make sure each medication is the correct medication and dose for the correct patient, that it is administered in the correct route and given at an accurate time, otherwise known as the “five rights.”  Once the five rights have been observed, I consistently take each medication and tell the patient what medication and dose I’m giving them.  Once they give me a sign of clarification, I pop the pill out of the blister packet into the plastic cup.  The next step is when it varies into certain categories because it primarily depends on the patient at hand.

            The first group of pill poppers I would like to define is “Gulpers.”  “Gulpers” make a nurse’s job very easy.  Once they are handed the cup of pills, they do just what their name states; they gulp down all the pills.  Whether the pills are large as horse pills or small as pin heads, they all go down the hatch.  Whether there are four or twenty, the “Gulpers” amazingly take them without any difficulty.  These people have a positive attitude and they take life by the reins.  They are a group of outgoing people.

            Some patients are what I call “Pickers.”  “Pickers” will take the cup and pick through their pills in the cup.  They explore the color, size, and will ask again the name of each pill.  Once they are satisfied, the vigilant patient will take one pill at a time.  “Pickers” usually have a Type A personality and want to stay in control of their lives.  “Pickers” are cautious and careful people.  Some nurses may be annoyed by “pickers,” but I understand that they need reassurance and validation and I use my patience with them.

            One group of patients called “Baby Birds,” are divided into two classes; those who are legitimately in need of a nurse placing the pill in their mouth and those who think they need the nurse to do it but are totally capable of doing it themselves.  “Legitimate Baby Birds” are those who are unable to move their arms or hands due to strength issues or other disease processes and depend on the nurse to place a pill directly into their mouth.  Other administration and swallow strategies may be necessary to get the pill down.  I fulfill my duty as a nurse to make sure “legitimate baby birds” receive their medications by me placing their pill into their mouth.

“Fake Baby Birds” are those who think they can’t move their arms or hands and become magically dependent once they step into the hospital room.  “Fake Baby Birds” are those who grab at their food and drinks and tissues and use them without difficulty but once the nurse pays full attention to them, they immediately lose all ability to use their arms and open their mouths in a weak, dramatic effect.  Nothing gets past this nurse, I have learned in my decade in a half of nursing, to place the cup on the bedside table, pull the table around to the “fake baby bird” so they can reach it and use my positive directions.  “Please show me how you take your pills at home.”  “Your pills are ready to be taken, I will watch you.”  “If you want to go home, it is best that you give yourself your own medication.”  Amazingly, “fake baby birds” will transform into pickers and/or gulpers!

            “Legitimate Baby Birds” show a personality of determination they are fighters and have positive attitudes.  On the other hand, “fake baby birds” are just the opposite and have a negative attitude, are submissive, and need a lot of coaxing and attention.

            “Chompers” are a rare group of pill-takers.  Very rare do I meet a patient who will pour the medications in their mouth and chew them all up, but he or she does exist in this great big world.  I have discovered that “chompers” are usually men and pleasantly confused.  They are strong-willed and determined people.

            “Chokers” are dear patients that work hard to get their medications down.  Sometimes “chokers” have a narrow esophagus and don’t even know it, or they know it and need it dilated again.  “Chokers” need their medications crushed and mixed with applesauce.  Some determined patients will take their medications whole and take one medication and push it down their throats almost as if they are gagging themselves.  Please note that these patients aren’t literally choking but I stand by to give an emergent abdominal thrust if needed.  These people are known to be hard workers and keep a positive attitude.

            Finally, I would like to describe the last group that I have identified:  “Palmers.”  “Palmers” will hold their hand open for the nurse to pour the meds into their palms or take the cup and pour the pile of pills into their palms.  A nurse needs to be very vigilant when this happens.  Pills can slip out of a turning palm at any moment.  A nurse needs to keep full watch on “Palmer’s” hands and mouth.  Some palms don’t squeeze close all the way or turn effectively.  It is appropriate to watch for dropping pills because there is a high risk a pill will fall into the linens, gown pocket, or dinner tray.  “Palmers” are risk-takers and they like to live on the edge.

            I really don’t know if how you take your pills will really determine your personality but there are definitely distinct categories.  Any nurse would probably agree with me.  In the end, it is important that you take your medications as your doctor directs.  It is essential that you know the names of your pills and why you are taking them.  Make a list of your medications, doses, routes, and times and keep it in your wallet just in case you have an emergency.  We nurses enjoy an updated list of accurate medications.  Finally, take care of yourself and stay healthy.