Rest

I have found my self settling into a pattern the past two days. Wake up and get the kids ready. Have great intentions of doing yoga, cleaning, or possibly some school work. [emphasis on intentions] BUT, then I grab my iced tea with a lemon slice--because that's my new thing--and settle down into the love seat. I place my crocheted afghan on me because I'm cold and it feels so good to cuddle up. I read some books to Olivia and THEN; my eyes get heavy. She hops off my lap and plays on her magnadoodle, polly pockets, and princess cake buzzes like a bee from one toy to another. And my eyes get heavier. We grab glances of Zaboomafoo that has been DVR'd and talk about the cute animals. And my eyes get heavier and then I doze...not a deep doze...a I-can-hear-what's-going-on-but-can't-keep-my eyes-opened doze. And in the middle of this doze, I open a hard-to-open container, run to the fridge for a snack for Livi, and slip comfortably back into my dreamy doze. Then like a natural alarm goes off in my body, I jolt awake around 1100am and I'm up and ready for the rest of the day. But for those two hours, I can't shake the sleepiness.

I have justified it [made excuses for it]:

• The weather change
• Post-midterm exhaustion
• Staying up until 0200am
• Back pain and the medications I'm taking to treat it
• Dealing with stress

I have felt guilty about it:

• I'm not engaging with my child
• I'm not exercising
• I'm not cleaning
• I'm not paying attention to school

I have concerns about it:

• Am I shutting down?
• Will this continue?
• Will I want to resort to the bed and never get out? (okay, I'm watching too much Dr. Phil--can we say paranoid?)

Then I just embrace it because my 2-day, 2-hour doze pattern may be what the Lord intended for me. Yes, it encompasses all the justifications, guilt, and concerns. BUT, maybe I should let it be what it is.

It is what it is.