On Parenting . . .

Please note that I am not an expert in parenting by any means and even though I took Family Relationships, Child Development, Maternal and Infant Health, and Pediatric Nursing classes in college it still does not give me enough credit to be acknowledged as an expert.  Some folks think they are experts in the field of parenting, which makes me giggle, because at one time I thought there was a right and wrong way of doing it. [Back in the day of idealism:  when I didn't have children just theories and ideals].  What I've found out is that we are all expert parents of our OWN children.  What may work for one child may not at all work for another.  We [parents] live and breathe with our children daily, we know their temperaments, dispositions, strengths, and weaknesses; so we get to have the say in their up-bringing.

So above is my disclaimer as I ponder and make observations on my own parenting. The outcome of this post is for enlightenment, encouragement, and support; not to inflict my ideas or ideals upon anyone. {just in case you were thinking that (because I'm overly conscientious and think about those things)}.

Independence vs. Dependence

A coworker at work was talking about how her daughter's roommate decided to wash the dishes; she loaded up the dishwasher and then added dish soap {the wrong kind of dish soap} and as a result, the appliance became a foamy mess!

Then came the discussion of how our kids should know how to do basic living stuff like that before entering college.  We talked of how some parents coddle too much and obstruct the child's learning vs. some parents depend on the children to do too much house work in the home.  So what is the happy medium?

I've found that this issue has come up over and over again with the kids getting older.

Independence:  what I want my children to  ultimately achieve prior to leaving the nest.  Dependence:  what I want my children to feel emotionally, physically, mentally, etc. throughout their lives.  Because a sense of dependence is a sense of love, is it not?

I expect my children to be grateful, respectful, and good people.  I frown down upon entitlement, spoiling, and giving the kids all that they ever wanted and more.  I believe that my kids should hear the word "no" and handle it gracefully. I want my kids to make mistakes so they learn--even if it's the hard way.  Do I hear my kids say thank you without cues? (not always)  Do I witness my kids sharing and respecting others? (most of the time)  Are they good people? (I think so)  Have I entitled, spoiled, and indulged on my kids?  (probably in one shape or form)  Do my kids hear more yes's than no's? (it's a toss-up on what issue it is)  Have the kids made mistakes? (yes)  Have I? (yes)  Do I think I have it all together? (never)

So, I have devised a new system that incorporates age-appropriate chores for the kids.  I decided that they are old enough to contribute to living in our home.  This epiphany came to me when I've been busting my butt doing all the cleaning around here and picking up toys and then turning around to pick up toys again!  Not only will they be helping our household, they will be learning responsibility and how to do that "living" stuff.

I already had a marble system going for good behaviors and helping around the house: 
"Thanks for praying out loud tonight, give yourself a marble!"
"You opened a door for a stranger without me telling you to, marble!"
"Thanks for playing so nice together and not fighting, marble!"

Once their jars are full, they get to either have an experience or a toy that they earned!

Olivia was truly excited about the modified chore system, about the pretty Popsicle sticks and marbles part.  There may be some excitement for helping out as well.  Connor gave the eye roll reaction.  Yep!  Indeed this chore system needs to be implemented before his attitude is a huge issue!

Dishes:
a: set the table or b: help with dishes.  They take turns picking a stick and doing the chore.  Then they receive a marble.
Cleaning:
a: toilet, b: mirrors, c: dusting, d: swiffer floors.  They pick two of them and get two marbles for each job.
Bedroom:
a. put away clothes in drawers (please make sure the drawer shuts and no clothes are sticking out), b: make bed, c: pick up toys.  One marble for these activities.  Do they happen daily? Not the clothes or beds, so it's a work in progress.
Wild Card:
a. outside work, b. any job that I need help with and the marbles are negotiable.

Again, once their jars are filled they get to have an experience or a toy (negotiable and realistic).

I'm hoping the kids will learn responsibility, see what it's like to be a team player, learn life skills, and essentially become independent.

Now here's the other issue:

Hanging on vs. Letting go

We all have experienced this since day one: 

Do I hang onto the baby while he/she is crying or do I let them cry it out by themselves?  Do I hang on and rock the baby or let them self-soothe?  Do I hang onto the bottle or let them experience a sippy?  Do I make sure I catch him or let him fall so he doesn't do it again?  Do I carry her up the stairs or let her crawl up them even if it takes longer time and there's a risk of falling?  Do I walk him into Kindergarten or drop him off at the sidewalk?  Do I put a lid on her milk or risk it spilling at dinner?  Do I walk them to school or let them walk by themselves?
Many questions I have and seems as the kids get older, the more complicated and frequent the questions get:
Do I give him a brief summary about the birds and the bees or do I give explicit detail?

I'm not sure where I am on this issue (hanging on vs. letting go, NOT the birds and the bees!); it depends on love, trust, and faith.  It also depends on the child's personality and sometimes it just depends on my mood but I usually go with my gut instinct and then modify as needed.
Hanging on vs. letting go is a reflection of independence vs. dependence?? Or are they entirely two different things?
Letting go sounds like it's the most difficult part of parenthood, but we all reap the rewards in the end.

Parenting is a lot like a maze, finding our way while bumping into some walls and dead ends.  As long as we dust ourselves off, turn around and keep at it we'll be successful.

So, what's your take on independence vs. dependence issue?  What are your views or questions you've been having on hanging on vs. letting go?  I truly appreciate your perspective . . .

can you tell that this has been hanging on in my head; hence, the lengthy post!

Instapics

Just sending out some instagram pics from my i-phone

enjoy:

 A smile

I'm doing a March photo-a-day challenge on Instagram

yesterday's topic was a smile.

Today, I'm supposed to do "5pm"...hmmm I will have to get my wheels turning on that one

 BFFs eating at Panera before going to the Clifford show.

 I had a death grip on my Chai yesterday, much needed for the sinus pain I've been experiencing this week.

 We had just a few groceries to get so Liv got to push her own cart around

such a big deal since we play grocery store at home!

 She got to play "real" grocery store!

She was in Heaven!

Cleanliness is Godliness

Ha!  I'm still looking for God in my house!  I heard this quote the other day from The Nate Berkus Show.  I understand that cleanliness is good for the soul and for my mind so I will continue to purge on and find God.  He might have appeared in our closet yesterday?!

I didn't realize that we had such hoarding tendencies.  I found one shoe from five years (last purge) no mate in my closet.  Outdated clothes.  Socks galore! (Paul's). and just plain Garbage.  I decided that both Paul and I are expert procrastinators.  (not something to be proud of but at least we can admit it). We sit on the issue of trashing, keeping, or actually placing it in it's spot.  By George, there appears to be five years of junk in our closet because of our expertise!

I must say I'm getting better at letting go and trashing.

Yesterday, I purged 4 donation bags and 1 bag of trash from our closet!!!! [insert a choir of angels and an appearance from God]!

We now see the floor and have things where they belong.  I laid down the rules to my sweetie and said don't put anything on the floors.  We'll see how long that will last!

Next project is cleaning our bedroom.  Funny thing is that my side will be easy to sort and organize but there's a certain someone who I share my room with (I won't mention any names here but) I suspect a long and treacherous purge on his side.

Wish me luck!

Less is More

Oh my gracious!  There is an avalanche happening in our game closet!

 So I decided to do my Forty Days and Forty Bags work on it and resuscitated the game closet.

Ahhh, organized by shape and sorted by child; let's see how long this will last.  This closet gets many visits in a week.
Donation Containers: 1
Garbage sack: 1

I also went through the kids' closet and sacked up their clothes that are too small for them or ones they are not interested in.  I didn't have to do much work here because I had cleaned and organized their closet last fall.  So I took the vacuum to it and picked up those teeny tiny lego pieces and voila!
Donation Bags: 2 grocery sacks
Hand down to friends/cousin bags: 2 grocery sacks

Less is so much more and it's my motto to help me through this process. 
Clutter my house, clutter my brain because then I have too many things to think about and care for so I will purge on; our closet is the next feat tomorrow.

Can You Believe . . . ?

That it is the end of February?

This is one reason I like February because of the short month and then March is here and that means spring!

I have decided that I like the Lenten Season more and more as I get older. 

It used to be Advent Season that ended with Christmas and the New Year; because I like birth stories, babies, and Christmas.

But I think Lenten ending with Easter and concurrently sharing spring time is more spiritually relative for me.

Maybe it's because I've decided to do 40 Bags in 40 Days and purge the house of trash and old things,

maybe it's because I need to feel God's love,

maybe because I'm ready for spring: colors, new plant life, and fresh air,

but I know I'm ready for something.

 Not sure what Indy is thinking, but I think he can't wait to play outside more. . . so that his sister doesn't dress him up anymore.

 One thing about hunkering at home is game night; Headbands is a fun, fun game that makes us laugh out loud all the time!

Even though snow is exciting and pretty on the eyes, it's nice to think we won't have many more days of snow and that the green grass will be peaking through very soon.  This is a pic of our neighbor's snowman.  It was HUGE and then it melted and started reaching down to either pick up his hat, bow, or do a yoga move . . .

So, five containers and one and a half trash bags later, Paul and I started the first day of 40 bags in 40 days in the basement.  His strength was much needed.  After we were all through, I just sat and soaked up the cleanliness and the nonclutter of the basement.  So now I'm three days ahead of my plan (6 days if I go by bags). Ahhhh, a spiritual awakening for sure!  Or at least a basement awakening! 

Mexico 2012

Here's a few pictures of our vacation . . .

Paul and I spent five unbelievable days with some great friends.

We celebrated our friends' 15th Wedding Anniversary at Grand Palledium, Riveira Maya, Mexico.

We plan to come back for our 15th year Wedding Anniversary--only seven more years!

Great times, good food, wonderful service, and so very, very relaxing!

We haven't laughed so much in our lives, which was the fun part of being with friends.

Never a dull moment!

It was bittersweet to leave; so nice to be in the moment, relaxed, and without a list of things to do.

But we truly missed our kiddos, even if they didn't admit to missing us!

Asta La Vista, Mexico!

Hello, Reality!