Desperate?

Livie and I went to Target today after my chiropractor appointment and this is what I bought--along with a My Little Pony coloring book--wonder what the cashier was thinking . . . "desperate?"

IF she was thinking that, she is SPOT-ON!

This whole back thing that I've been dealing with for 10+ years is not fun. Period. It's not continuous but intermittent. At times it is chronic nagging, burning down the leg pain and other times it is sharp, can't-stand-straight-up, spastic pain.

I never know when it will be triggered.

This summer, I helped with the tree by lifting branches continuously and nothing. Another day I can lace my shoe and it will go out. What up?!!? No, seriously it has gone out while puttin' on undies, making my bed, and belting in my daughter in the car.

Pain is a great motivator and a great bubble burster, simultaneously. I'm ready for change of habits, exercise regime, nutrition...but I need to take baby steps to just lay down a strong foundation.

The main bubble the pain has burst is my functioning in the world around me....I can hardly clean, bend over to pick up things, do dishes, laundry.....let alone work. This is not good for the soul. I keep on reminding myself that at least I have my brain...but I may be slowly losing it if I can't get on top of the pain.

So the pain and the agony that it has brought me emotionally has led me to purchase this:

A scale which will constantly remind me that I'm a fatty but also motivate me to lose it! Yoga, the foundation of youth and my rehab. Cylinder for alignment and massage...just to try it out (remember I'm desperate!) and exercise bands when I get to that point to add strength.

I'm going to the chiropractor to analyze my spine and innervation and manipulate. I'm going to the Nurse Practitioner to see if my medication regimen is up to par and if Physical Therapy is necessary. And in a few weeks, I'm going to the pain specialist and get a steroid shot (my 3rd one) to alleviate the nerve pain shooting down my legs.

Meanwhile, I'm taking an active approach my using my new stuff...because the other stuff is passive and I'm just as accountable and responsible for my body if not more than the others who are helping me....

Know what is worse than desperate? DENIAL! Which I'm afraid I'll go right into when starting all of this and start feeling better and decide I don't need to do it anymore...yikes!